do we or am I?

do we pretend to be "us"?

or is it just me who hesitate?

#sedang galau, harap maklum.

I think I can, love.

"Don’t quit because something went wrong. 

Quit because you tried your hardest and nothing made it better." 

Loving someone is never easy for me.

I never taught to love someone, because I never felt being loved by anybody. How do you know you love someone if you never being loved? How do you know the feeling?

My relationship is messy. It is mostly because of ME.

It is me who never believe. 

When he came into my life and said "I love you", I  said "I love you too" while I didn't know for sure what I felt. I just said it because I think that was the right answer. And yes, I didn't believe what he said, but I tried to. Because it was more comfortable to ignore all the other feelings. It felt good being loved. So I let him into my life, while I knew for sure that I wasn't ready. Truthfully speaking, I never ready to jump in any relationship. My relationship is messy because I AM MESSY.

After years of my relationship, I know for sure that the best thing I could do is fix myself.

But I always too afraid of losing him.

He is the first person whom I attached to very deep. He isn't just boyfriend, he is my best friend also.

And he is the first person who make my life feel this good. I mean, very good. 

Fortunately, he never let me to lose him. He always said "No". I am lucky.

And then I learned: To stop being a quitter. 

I used to gave up when things gone uneasy.

I was wrong. He taught me that.
I haven't tried my best. 

It is never fair to not letting someone loving you just because you don't believe it. And it is more not fair if you never tried to love him back. 

It is not easy, it is hard. But I can learn, can't I?

Thanks love.

November 28th, 2010, 10.42 PM you promise me

ireneelfrida: strid
ireneelfrida: sejujurnya
ireneelfrida: gue udah semakin yakin sama topik ini
ireneelfrida: dan gue bener2 tertarik
ireneelfrida: jadiii, misalnya nih yaaa
ireneelfrida: misalnyaaa kita buntu ga nemu kesamaan utk payung
ireneelfrida: gue gpp
ireneelfrida: tapiii kalo ngerjain skripsi barengan yuuukk
ireneelfrida: biar gue ga merasa sendirian menghadapi smeua ini
ireneelfrida: :(
astrid wulandari: ren maap lama, eike abs ganti aquaa
astrid wulandari: hahahaha, yaudah gpp ko reen kalo pun misalnya ga payungaan
astrid wulandari: gw si sbnrnya pas ngmgin trust td udah agak pesimis kita bs payunganaa
astrid wulandari: tapi2, setuju2 kerjainnya baerngan yaa
astrid wulandari: kalo gw bingung gw nanya2 lo yaaa
ireneelfrida: iya strid
astrid wulandari: ntr kita tukeran bc bab1 gw gt doong, ksh masukaan
ireneelfrida: tapi klo kepuasan, lo kan udah banyak katanya ttg kepuasan
astrid wulandari: misalnya gituu
ireneelfrida: MAUUUUUUUUUUU setuju bangeeett
astrid wulandari: asik asiiiikkk
astrid wulandari: bener yaaa
astrid wulandari: iya rene, kalo kepuasan soalnya emg udah byk
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astrid wulandari: asik asiiik, bnr yaaa
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ireneelfrida: beneran nih strid?
ireneelfrida: janji yaaa???
astrid wulandari: iya laaaaaaaaaaaaah
ireneelfrida: gue tuh takut ga punya tempat utk bertanya
astrid wulandari: temen susah gw sapa lagi soalnyaaaaaaaaaaa
ireneelfrida: secara skripsi kan yaudah pasti ngerjainnya banyak sendiri
astrid wulandari: iya siiihh
astrid wulandari: cuma tuh gw jg mikirnya pasti gw akan suka bingung2 gt
astrid wulandari: misalnya kalo gw logika mikirnya gini gmn yaa?
astrid wulandari: gitu2 lhhoo
astrid wulandari: gw kan sk agak bingung gitu kalo gitu2
astrid wulandari: hahahaha
ireneelfrida: samaaaaaaaaaaaaa
astrid wulandari: nah lo kan kayanya lbh ahli tuh gitu2, ntar gw nanya doooong. yaaakyaaak
ireneelfrida: dih ahli apaan guaaaaaaaaaaaa
ireneelfrida: lu udah gila kali yak
ireneelfrida: gue juga suka bingung
ireneelfrida: yg mana yang bener yg mana yg salah
astrid wulandari: analisis2 gt, . okeokeee
ireneelfrida: gue gatau jalan yang benar yg mana
astrid wulandari: cieeeeeeeeeeeeeee, kayak udah mau bertobat gt
astrid wulandari: jalan yg benaar
astrid wulandari: eh tp bnr yaaaaaa?
ireneelfrida: iyaaaaaaaaaaaa
ireneelfrida: janji ya strid?
ireneelfrida: JANJIIIIIIIIII???????????
astrid wulandari: JANJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
astrid wulandari: sah ya niiihhh
astrid wulandari: tanggal 28 nov 2010
ireneelfrida: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
astrid wulandari: jam 22.43 waktu laptop gw
ireneelfrida: DOK DOK DOK
astrid wulandari: duaaaaaaaaaaaaaar
astrid wulandari: okeokeee
ireneelfrida: 22.42 di laptop guaaaaaaaaaaa
astrid wulandari: tgl 2 mslh kehidupan nih ren
astrid wulandari: yaudah 22.42 deeeeeeeeh